The Fourth Drink Instinct
by Sonny.With.A.Firefly
Summary: Eli rejected her. She hadn't seen her parents in a couple days. No one wanted her - that is, until a few sips of alcohol transformed her into a monster and her purity was 'stolen'.


**Brace yourself, this is gonna be really, really bad.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or its characters.**

_She's doesn't deserve to be in a place like this  
All alone_

I sat at the bar, keeping my eyes half-closed and sipping my drink, letting the music and alcohol drown out my thoughts.

Yeah, yeah, I know, not exactly typical Saint Clare. But Eli didn't want me, my parents didn't want me... but the alcohol wanted me. And maybe, just maybe someone here would.

_She's underage and so very very brave  
A fake ID lent her credibility_

I glanced up and around the room, locking eyes with a boy who seemed to be only about a year older than me. He winked, and I felt the left corner of my lips lifting slowly into a smirk. I took another sip of my drink and twisted back around in my seat as he walked over.

_She sits at the bar  
The gents are gonna try so hard_

"Well, hello there beautiful." I turned to face him, smirking again, and tilted my head slightly.

"Hello to you too." I quickly asked the bartender for another drink, and took a gulp of it as I turned to talk to him again. "Can I help you?"

"Maybe. Aren't you a little young to be at a bar?" He raised an eyebrow and shot a knowing smile.

"Aren't _you_?" My words were starting to slur a little – I didn't drink much. I could already see the edges of my vision getting blurry, and a giggle slipped out of my mouth. "Sorry. I'm not used to this."

"Well, then why don't you let me... help you adjust?" I looked him in the eyes, and something about them just seemed so honest and trustworthy, although maybe that was just the alcohol. "I'm Fitz, by the way."

"Clare." We were still staring at each other, and before I had time to react his lips were on mine and my back was pushed up against the counter. As he pulled away, I fumbled around in my brain for the _close-mouth _button and breathlessly gasped, "Wow... You know, I like you. I'm surprised I actually found someone with a good personality at a bar."

_He said it was a one night stand_

_But the alcohol didn't let her understand_

He chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Good personality. You're funny." I didn't really understand (once again, maybe that was the alcohol), but I was kind of preoccupied with his next words. "Your place or mine?"

_Yeah, he said it was a one night stand_

_A one night stand_

I was quiet for a moment, then asked for another (stronger) drink. I was starting to like this drinking thing. "Mine." I downed almost half of the glass, then blinked a few times. "My parents aren't home."

**-!-!-!-!-**

_So what made you think that he couldn't find a door in the morning?_

_When he found that bed so easily in the dark_

I woke up slowly, and the first thing I registered was that I felt like shit – but I couldn't remember why.

Then the memories came flooding back, and my eyes flew open and over to the other side of the bed.

It was empty. I lazily pulled my hand from under the blanket and patted the bed, as if he were invisible and touching him would make everything okay, but there was no point. He wasn't there.

_What made you think that he couldn't find a door in the morning?_

_When he found that bed so easily in the dark_

I dragged myself out of the bed and down the stairs, trying to ignore the nausea and throbbing pain in my head. "Fitz?" I croaked, but soon had to scurry over to the bathroom to vomit. After brushing my teeth, I walked out to the kitchen to search for him, but he was nowhere to be found.

"Of course," I whispered. "He didn't want me."

Why did it always end up like this? I tried not to cry, knowing it would only make my headache worse, but my eyes were stinging and before I knew it the tears were drowning me. I'd given up all I had left to this boy, and he hadn't even had the decency to be there in the morning.

But then something dawned on me, and I checked the time. 2:35. P.M. Not only had I slept for almost 11 hours, my parents still weren't home.

I could only think of one thing that could make this better, that seemed to make everything better, and I checked my purse to make sure I still had my fake I.D.

**-!-!-!-!-**

_So the bartender who tends to pretend that he's concerned_

_Says "Girly, girly, you're at your best when you're sober"_

"Can I have another, please?" The bartender gave me a suspicious look – I obviously wasn't a day over 16, on to my second drink after being there ten minutes – but gave me the drink nonetheless.

"Are you sure you should be drinking that?" I glared, but I knew I was only pissed because he was right.

"Who are you, my mother?" I snapped, sighing and tapping my foot. "How much I drink is none of your business." 

_And she slurs "No, no, just one more"_

_And one turns into four_

I lost count of my drinks after three. I was alone, anyway, it's not like anyone was monitoring me. But I was starting to feel dizzy, and when I tried to stand up, I had to use the counter to steady myself.

"Clare?"

_The fourth drink instinct is taking over_

"Wow, I had no idea you were such a partier." I twirled around, trying to find where the voice was coming from.

"Fitz?" I tried to remember the details, how I knew him, why he was important, but everything was fuzzy. I shrugged, taking a deep breath. "Wanna dance?"

I can't honestly say I enjoyed the grinding, the provocative dance moves, but I didn't reject him.

_And the gentleman is leading her towards the door_

"So, Clare, now that you've adjusted to your new life, what do you say we go have some fun? This time at my place?"

I wasn't sure exactly what he meant by 'this time', but I smiled slightly and let him take me.

**-!-!-!-!-**

_So what made you think that he couldn't find the door in the morning?_

_When he found that bed so easily in the dark_

I woke up in my bed, alone once again, with no recollection of how I'd gotten there. Thankfully, the second hangover wasn't _quite _so bad.

_So what made you think that he couldn't find the door in the morning?_

_When he found that bed so easily in the dark_

I was still so confused, and the banging in my head didn't help, but it didn't take much for me to realize that he'd taken advantage of me again. Why did he have to be so damn hot, and why did I always have to be at the wrong place at the wrong time?

I took Tylenol for my head and realized that yet again I'd slept past noon. Trying to ignore the pain, I called my mom's cell.

"Hello?" She sounded tired, and reluctant to speak to me.

"Mom? Where are you?"

"Oh, Clare." Her voice noticably brightened (fake), and I could almost see her smiling (fake). "I'm sorry, I'm at a friend's house, I thought I'd told you. Is your father there?"

"No. I haven't seen him in a couple days." I hadn't seen anyone in a couple days... besides Fitz, that is.

"I'm so sorry, honey, I'll be home in a few hours. I love you. Bye." She hung up without giving me a chance to reply, and I finally let myself cry, actually cry.

_She thought that she could buy happiness by, by the bottle_

I took out my fake ID and found scissors, cutting it into pieces, then threw them violently into the sink and let the garbage disposal take care of the rest.

I vowed to never drink again, even when I was of legal age. All it had done was messed things up

_So what made you think that he couldn't find the door in the morning?_

_When he found that bed so easily in the dark_

But I couldn't let Fitz get to me. He'd stolen my physical purity – no, I'd given it to him – but I could at least try my best to recover my mental purity, to save for someone special – someone like Eli.

There were no physical scars. But it would take a long time for the emotional ones to fade.

_He said it was a one night stand_

_But the alcohol didn't let her understand_

_Yeah, he said it was a one night stand_

_A one night stand_

**I was so bored. There's no other explanation for this. This just sucked so badly. I'm posting it anyways. Honestly, I might even continue it. Review please, tell me how much you hate me :) **


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